tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727653.post6732226685085180981..comments2023-10-27T00:42:05.512+13:00Comments on Books and Writing: Opening No. 3Sherrylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04405534589743973581noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727653.post-13628420073673890382008-08-04T11:42:00.000+12:002008-08-04T11:42:00.000+12:00I really like this. It dumps readers right into a ...I really like this. It dumps readers right into a fairly grisly scene, and we're questioning exactly what's going on right off the bat. As prologues go, I think this one works -- but like the others, I'd want some answers pretty quickly, or I'd probably be hopelessly confused in no time at all.<BR/><BR/>Ditto on the pronouns. :-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727653.post-36736425020828019822008-08-02T02:53:00.000+12:002008-08-02T02:53:00.000+12:00Okay,I understand prologues are overdone, however ...Okay,<BR/>I understand prologues are overdone, however when done right --there's definitely no other subsitute.<BR/><BR/>In this case, I like the prologue and gets me into the story. Only thing I'd reiterate as others is make the "she" less confusing since there are two females involved.<BR/><BR/>Loved the description!Rashda Khanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04803134396969891096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727653.post-73054573284709913612008-08-02T02:04:00.000+12:002008-08-02T02:04:00.000+12:00Those questions actually are mostly answered in th...Those questions actually are mostly answered in the paragraph that follows. His actual target is Mackensie--and his payback is very much psychological torture as the story goes on. As to whether I need it...well the villain is a recurring character in the piece. We don't merely see him via his actions--we spend some considerable time in his head. For me (as reader or writer) this is a much more interesting hook than many of the alternatives. But then I love a good villain... <BR/><BR/>KathleenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727653.post-15493087823347099212008-08-01T23:00:00.000+12:002008-08-01T23:00:00.000+12:00I feel sort of situated - it seems to be in cabin ...I feel sort of situated - it seems to be in cabin in some sort of rural town. I did get a bit confused because I couldn't work whether the "she" he wanted to get back at was the dead woman or the woman who would discover the body.<BR/><BR/>It definitely sounds like a crime or a mystery to me. There are hooks regarding the back story - who is he? why does he hate her? what happened before she left? why did she leave?<BR/><BR/>I would probably read a little further but I'd want to be 'unconfused' as to who this crime as aimed at - the dead woman or the discoverer - pretty soon.Esther.Jadehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11552124058522436295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6727653.post-41544704260135409332008-08-01T18:03:00.000+12:002008-08-01T18:03:00.000+12:00I can see your reason for the prologue - and there...I can see your reason for the prologue - and there are story questions and action here. Nice descriptions at the beginning. I think you need to be a bit clearer with your pronouns throughout. Is it the dead girl who returned from the wedding, or was that Mackensie? Whose clothes? Who did what when? <BR/>Lips curved in perverse delight - that didn't work for me, I'm afraid.<BR/>There's a lot going on here, lots of information that needs to be carefully and clearly laid out for us. <BR/>I'm going to ask the hard question - do you really really need this? Because I suspect that this kind of opening from the villain's POV is about to become a crime cliche.Sherrylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04405534589743973581noreply@blogger.com